Why Family Cycles Keep Repeating (and How to Break Them)

There was a time I thought pain was just part of life—something you endured without question. But as I grew in faith and awareness, I began to notice patterns that looked all too familiar. The anger, the silence, the inability to say “I love you”—these weren’t isolated behaviors. They were cycles. And they were running through my family line like an invisible current, passing from one generation to the next.

What Is a Generational Cycle?

A generational cycle is a pattern of behavior, beliefs, or trauma that repeats within a family, often unconsciously. It’s that familiar feeling you can’t quite explain: why you respond with silence instead of speaking up, or why you chase validation in relationships that don’t honor your worth. It’s why some families carry shame for decades, never addressing what caused it.

In Perfectly Placed, I wrote about the silent wounds we carry—the ones that weren’t just ours, but passed down. These cycles don’t start with us, but they can end with us.

Why Some Patterns Keep Returning No Matter How Hard You Try

You might be doing everything "right"—working on yourself, seeking God, praying, forgiving—and still find yourself stuck in the same emotional spaces. Why?

Because cycles don’t break by chance. They break by choice.

Patterns return when we:

• Ignore their roots

• Stay silent about our pain

• Carry unforgiveness disguised as strength

• Normalize dysfunction because “that’s just how our family is”

I had to come face to face with the fact that I was repeating behaviors I hated growing up. Not because I wanted to, but because I hadn’t dealt with the roots. Real healing began the moment I stopped excusing what hurt me and started naming it.

If this resonates, you might also want to read The Power of Choosing a New Legacy—it’s a reminder that you’re not doomed to repeat what hurt you.

How to Identify the Starting Point of Your Family’s Repeating Pain

Breaking the cycle means tracing the pattern. Start by asking:

• What do the women (or men) in my family consistently struggle with?

• Are there unspoken wounds we’ve all been taught to bury?

• What did I learn about love, trust, or anger as a child?

In my family, silence was often louder than words. We avoided confrontation, swallowed emotions, and pushed through pain like it wasn’t real. But silence only allowed the cycle to thrive.

Ask the hard questions. Journal about them. Pray over them. The truth might feel heavy at first, but it will set you free.

You might find You Don’t Have to Be the One Holding It All Together helpful—it talks about releasing the burden of carrying your family’s healing alone.

It's Time to Reflect:
What is one pattern in your family that you now recognize as a cycle? How has it shown up in your own life?

 Dive Deeper:
If you’re ready to uncover the patterns in your own family story, I invite you to begin that journey with my book Perfectly Placed. It’s filled with real stories, biblical truth, and healing reflections to help you break free and step into your God-given purpose.

Free Resource:
Want a printable tool to help you identify and track family cycles? Download Breaking the Cycle: A 5-Step Healing Worksheet when you sign up for our email list.